you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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