i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
