Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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