I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
