Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
