If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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