I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
