She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
