She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
