please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
