wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
