Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
