is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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