I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
