The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this must be what syphilis tastes like
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
