i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
