Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
