i think my tv is drunk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
