I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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