I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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