Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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