My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
