No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
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i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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