It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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