question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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