the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
