My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
