i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
