Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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