I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
