Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
