It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
