I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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