Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
