HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
