i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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