I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
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So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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