dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
