sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
