i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
