We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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