I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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