I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
