Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
