You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
