if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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