goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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