Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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