Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
