why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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