Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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