We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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