You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
