That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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