he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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