who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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