My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
