Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
