pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
