His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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