i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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