Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found puke in my bra..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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